My Life in a Book

I finished a book this morning that I randomly picked off Amazon and downloaded onto my Kindle, not thinking anything about it. It was entitled The New York Mormon Regional Singles Halloween Dance. No, I am not Mormon, but I am a huge fan of memoirs, which is what drew me to this book. I am fascinated by other peoples lives. It has always been a pipe dream of mine to write a memoir, but I always think that my life is too boring or I'm too busy. This book gave me hope, though. The book basically details the life of a twenty-something Mormon girl that is single in Manhattan and trying to find her way while questioning her faith and ultimately realizing that it is a part of who she is and it is right. It has been a very long time since a book made me stop and say, "Whoa. That is me," which brings me to my blog today.

I learned so much about me, or rather recognized it, from reading this book that it brought out this insatiable need to write again. I haven't written in a while. Sure, I wrote short stories and my column for Women's View, but I have not sat down and poured my heart and soul onto my laptop screen in over a year. Mostly because writing is not easy, not this type of writing at least. All at once it is freeing, therapeutic, and down right scary. When your thoughts are just in your head, you can ignore them, act like they aren't there. Once they are on paper, it is a very different story. Writing for me, though, is a need. It is not something I can put off. When it hits me, I have to do it. And this book showed me that it is important because my words might hit someone else like these hi me. So here I am, sitting at my computer, not getting ready for church, and writing my blog, because sometimes God speaks to you in other ways that are much more powerful.

When I sat down to write this morning, I didn't realize how long it had been since I had last blogged: October 21, 2009. That realization alone stopped me in my tracks and made me think - how much had happened in that one year and five months? A lot. My mom graduated with her MBA. My grandfather had a "spell" and we spent the next few months determining that it was vascular dementia and it wasn't going to get any better. The next few months we spent trying to figure out what to do. We are still figuring that out today. I started dating a guy, fell in love, only to have my heart shattered into a million pieces and left to pick them up. Nine months later, he came back and we started back at square one. This time, he loves me and I'm scary happy. My heart is still intact and I would like it to stay that way. I applied for grad school, was told to take PBS (post baccalaureate classes), and was then accepted into the program. I am now in my second semester in the program, third total. My best friend got married and moved to Japan. The father of one of my childhood friends died, as did another girl that grew up in the church with me. I can sit here and honestly say that 2010 was one of the best, worst, and most challenging years of my life. I wouldn't change any part of it, but I certainly do not want to relive it.

Thinking the book and this past year, I realize that nothing we do is coincidental. I picked a book because it was a memoir and I am fascinated by other religions. I also picked it because it looked interesting and I wanted "mindless reading" to escape to when I was not reading for class. I had no idea that this book would be like reading the story of my life and that it would provide the proverbial gut punch that I have missed. "Why would anyone miss a gut punch?" you might ask. "Because words are supposed to punch you," is what I would say. Gut punches are the reason that I love books and words so much. They are the most powerful thing that God provided us as humans. The right to think and to speak. The right to question, to research, to find answers, to argue, to demand, to find your way. I have not seen a writer do this in a long time or, rather, I have not found one to do this in a long time.

The last line of the book is something I found myself doing a few years ago.

"Hi God -" I choked on the word.

Growing up in the church is not easy. I can't imagine what it would be like growing up Mormon. Actually, it is not growing up in the church that is not easy, it is finding yourself in the world after you grow up in the church that is not easy. I tripped, I stumbled, I did a few face plants, but I ended up here. Like Elna (and no, I did not forget the 'e' between l and n), I found my way back to where I was supposed to be, with a few changes to my code and beliefs. Between each chapter in the book, there is a page that reads: What I Believe/What I Used to Believe. To complete a page like that each year of your life and go back and review it would be awesome. You can watch yourself grow through the change in your beliefs, just like I can watch myself grow through my blog. I now consider this my page.

As I sit in my chair at my dining room table, drinking my coffee out of a mug that my friend Michaela gave me for Christmas one year, I look at my apartment and know that I need to clean, to grocery shop, and do some homework, among a list of other things. Instead, I sit here and finish this blog because what God has shown me this morning through a book about a Mormon girl, is worth so much more than rushing to get ready and make it to church or cleaning. I have learned that 2010 was worth every tear and every crushing moment, as well as all the awesome ones. I learned who I am, what I believe, and that no matter what gets put in front of me, I will get through it and come out even better on the other side because I have God. I know that I am a Christian. I know what I believe is not what everyone else believes. I know that others will question me and that is okay. I know that God loves me as I am and I strive everyday to be the person he wants me to be. I know that he put the very best people in my life through my friends and my family and I would not trade one of them for someone else. He pushes me. I know it is okay for me to push back. I know that things will get bad, and that's okay. He makes everything okay. After pouring out my heart, I end this blog simply by saying, "Hi, God."

Target Pharmacy, How I Love Thee

After years of dealing with the imbeciles that work at Wal-Mart Pharmacy (both in Fayetteville and Garner), I finally moved to Target Pharmacy mostly because the closest Wal-Mart is about a ten-minute drive. I would now like to thank God for moving me out of the ghetto and into an apartment that is NO WHERE NEAR a Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart Pharmacies are not people friendly. You can't call in a prescription that day, no no, you must wait another day so they can slap that pack of blister pills in a blue pouch. Hard work right there, I tell ya. I would need a day too. They also make you wait at least fifteen minutes (whether there is a line or not) each time you go to pick it up because they are undoubtedly some fo the slowest cashiers I have ever seen in my life. Target is not like this. You can sign up for automatic refills and it sends you an email when its ready. You don't even have to THINK about it, which for ADD people such as myself, is a miracle. It's like a little bright spot of happiness when you look at your email and go, "Oh! I don't have to remember that! Thanks!" I can also usually get in and out within about five minutes, unless there is a long line.

In short, I love Target and loathe Wal-Mart.

The Joys of Working Downtown...

Sometimes, I swear this stuff only happens to me, yet I'm sure others must experience it also. I just seem to get a lot of it. Anywho, here is the latest "did that really just happen to me?" moment.

I work in downtown Raleigh on Boylan Ave. It's not in the "heart" of downtown, but out on the skirts near housing developments. The company I work for is mostly housed in a large brick building, except for my department, the Planning Department. We are in the tiny old house behind the big brick building. We are across the street from some very shady apartments where people have been arrested and have proven themselves crazy. People love to randomly walk into our building. And since the front office is empty, they normally get pretty far before I can accost them (oh and I do). We've had drunks, people selling memberships to golf clubs, etc. but today, I experienced something new. A non-english speaking Asian lady walked into my building today calling, "hewwo!" and telling me that she drove here from Goldsboro and was trying to find the JC Penney. Did I know where it was? (The nearest JC Penney is in North Hills which takes much more explaining than I care to do). I told her that she needed to go to a gas station to ask, that they would be able to help her more than I. What does she do? She whips out her hand drawn map and shows me where she was supposed to get off the beltline. I should probably mention at this point that she has on a gold head-band, bright purple cami/leotard, and those genie-in-a-bottle pants. It's taken everything to keep a straight face while talking to this woman, but I lose the battle when I tell her she needs to go to gas station she jumps up and says, "No! You know where JC Penney be! Gas station told me wrong! They told me this circle!" She had driven a circle around downtown and ended up at my office.

I Like to Keep it Interesting...

Yesterday was my one year anniversary with the Wooten Company. WOO! (no pun intended). It's officially been a year since I left Fayetteville and moved to Raleigh, on my own, not really knowing anyone. I have gone from living in Lil Harlem/Lil Mexico, situated slightly behind the Wal-Mart in Garner (should have been my first sign) to living in a cute, cozy, and centrally located apartment in Cary. When I say centrally located I mean that I'm less than five minutes from a DSW, Ulta, World Market, Target, Stein Mart, Marshall's, and Borders, and less than two minutes from a Starbucks with a drive-thru. Be jealous!

I have also gone from the very definition of anti-social to having a social calendar that makes me tired just thinking about it. I've had more people over at my new apartment in the three weeks that I have lived there than I did the entire 11 months that I lived in Lil Mexico/Harlem. Now that my life is back to the normal Sarah-level of craziness, I have decided to throw yet one more iron into the oven: grad school!

When I graduated in December 2007, I was convinced I wanted to go to school for publishing. And that pipe dream is still very much alive. I applied to one grad school (there are only four in the country that actually have a publishing program) in Boston, Emerson College. It is very prestigious and well-known for it's publishing program. I pretty much half-assed my application, bombed the math portion of the GRE, and didn't get in (shocker, I know). I wasn't really that surprised, although, I was sad. I decided to try and get a job, work for a year, and figure out what I wanted to do. So, a year and half later, here I am, studying for the GRE and working on yet another grad school application. This time, it's for a Master's in Public Administration, concentration in non-profit organizations, at NC State University. I will be working full-time while going to school at night. If I am accepted, I will start in January 2010. I'm pretty sure that I'll have no life, will be crazy busy (nothing new), but I really think that the non-profit world is where I want to be.

As of today, my GRE test is on Saturday. I'm retaking it to see if I can do any better on the math portion. Applications are due by November 1; I'm hoping to have mine in by the first week in October. I already have one person willing to write a recommendation and hopefully I'll have two more soon. It's all becoming real and it's scaring the crap out of me, but I'm getting really excited at the same time. It will make my life crazy, but like I said, I do like to keep it interesting.

Soles4Souls

While shoe shopping online this morning at work (I know, I know - Bad Sarah!) a link caught my eye at the bottom of the Piperlime webpage for donating your shoes. I have a ton of shoes and I've been contemplating what to do with the ones that I don't wear and haven't worn for years. I'm moving in two months or so and I certainly don't want to have to take them with me, but they're not nice enough (aka - not designer) for me to try and sell them on ebay. So this Soles4Souls deal is perfect for me. You load up the shoes in a box and ship it to them and in 3 weeks they send you a tax deductible receipt for your donation. In short, you can clean out your closet and help people at the same time! Woo!

Websites that you might find useful:

http://www.soles4souls.org/

www.piperlime.com

My newest obsession...Etsy

I love clothes. I love clothes that fit me and don't look like the rest of the world even more. I have finally found the answer to my prayers/quandry/etc: Etsy.

I just discovered Etsy, though I've randomly looked on their site multiple times, I hadn't actually looked at clothing. Then I started following them on Twitter and suddenly, I'm obsessed! They have jewelry that is my style (quirky, eclectic, without being tacky and REAL) for reasonable prices and it's made to fit you. Same with clothing. This dress was one of the things that popped up on my twitter and it's only $60. You send her your measurements, she makes it, and sends it to you. On one of her other items, you can specify the color. I love the idea buying something that is handmade and tailored to fit MY body (which is next to impossible to fit into most dresses anyway). It's so personal. Most stores now aren't personal, everything is picked over, and it all starts to look the same after a while. Etsy is such a breath of fresh air when it comes to shopping for anything.

I am in love. And I highly recommend you follow them on twitter and sign up for their emails. You'll find the coolest stuff!

Little Things...

Wow, it has been a really long time since I have actually blogged! For a while, I had nothing to write about and then, lo and behold, I got a life and now I have no time to write, but for some reason I feel compelled this morning to put my thoughts into words (not feelings, just thoughts).

Two days ago, I received a chain email from the receptionist in the company I work for. Normally, I hate chain emails and delete them before I even read them, but I had the chance to preview this one before I chunked it. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. It was 45 life lessons by a 90-year old woman and every one of them, in some way or another, resonated with my life right now.

It occurred to me this morning that while the past few weeks have been really hard and very trying, God has managed to put little things in my path to make it a lot easier than it would be otherwise. I wouldn't have realized this if I hadn't been going to Bible study, which is the first little thing. I started going to church with a girl from work, then ended up at Bible study, which I have been going to for a little over a month or two now, and from that I have gained an awesome network of friends. I've been able to have a life again, have people to talk to outside of work, and have had support through all this crazy stuff with my family and work.

The second little thing, which was actually huge to me, was to be able to see Sarah Dessen again. She happens to be my favorite author and has been for the past 10 years or so. I saw her when The Truth About Forever came out, but we'd had to drive to Charlotte and I didn't remember it all that well. I knew that she was going to be in Raleigh this Thursday, the 18th, but I have Bible study and for some odd, crazy reason, I decided to volunteer to do dinner (this happens to also be my compressed week, where I work 4 10-hour days). I was pretty sad that I wouldn't be able to go. Yesterday afternoon, I happened to read her tweets on Twitter and she mentioned she had a reading, so I looked it up and she did! It was at The Regulator Bookshop in Durham (which if you ever have a chance to go to, you should. It's such a cute and awesome little shop). I debated going, asked Mom and Michaela, and finally I decided I would kick myself if I didn't go. So I went, left work a lil early, and I had the best time. Grant it, it was me and like 50 squealing middle/high school girls, but whatever. I had been that girl too and completely understood their squealing. I had forgotten how funny she was and how much fun it was to meet her, talk to her, listen to her answer questions, etc. I got my second book signed by her AND a picture. Suffice it to say, I'm glad I went.

There have been other things that have happened within the past 2 weeks, but they're not as significant as these. I would like to end this by saying that Sarah is back. The Sarah that has awesome friends (the new ones and the ones that are still here), still loves reading (and spends most Sundays on her couch doing so), and actually has a life. God, I missed having a life.